All hail Saparmurat Niyazov Turkmenbashi!

Great is the honor of possessing this most admirable and timekeeping wristwatch machine, which commemorates the Leader of the Turkmen, President of Turkmenistan and Chairman of the Cabinet of Ministers, Suparmurat Niyazov, first president of Turkmenistan, 1990-2006.

Not Chairman Mao, but more rare, and just as tacky.

Awarded as one third of the Grand Prize in the Fiddler in the Subway copy editing challenge, which was held sometime in the last century, or so. (You can find it for sale somewhere of other, probably. It's a book, by the way.  By Gene Weingarten.)