Sunday, December 31, 2017

Saturday, December 30, 2017

Windfall.

It's an ill wind that blows nobody any good.

Always look on the bright side.

Friday, December 29, 2017

Indulge me.

Indulgences are what got the Pope in trouble with Martin Luther.
But not in the same way.



Thursday, December 28, 2017

In the words of the song.

It's the paper diet.
Now, if you want to throw a dollar across the Delaware...



Wednesday, December 27, 2017

Why is it...?

The only permanent press still around.
Somebody misplaced his glasses.



Tuesday, December 26, 2017

Potato famine.

The blight will get them however you pronounce them.
Idaho or Yukon Gold.



Monday, December 25, 2017

A penny saved is a penny that can be embezzled.

"The art of getting riches consists very much in thrift." -- Ben Franklin.
Or stealing and fencing, as the case may be.



Sunday, December 24, 2017

Don't monkey around.

Make a monkey out of him.

Or he'll be a monkey's uncle.



Saturday, December 23, 2017

Scrooged.

In the words of Tiny Tim...

Tiptoe through the tulips.
Merry Christmas.

Friday, December 22, 2017

New tricks.

The lowest form of humor is the phone.
Dog gone.



Thursday, December 21, 2017

The joker's wild.

Or it could just be you.
Too much of a good thing?



Wednesday, December 20, 2017

Party, party.

Some of them go as purse accessories.
More fashionable than chihuahuas.



Tuesday, December 19, 2017

North By Northwest.

Like Hamlet, he is only mad north-northwest.
Next stop, Mount Rushmore.



Monday, December 18, 2017

We're Number One.

Will there be any bowl games?
Is it in Flushing?


Sunday, December 17, 2017

CSI: Pillsbury.

Sleep with one eye open.
Too much television will do that.



Saturday, December 16, 2017

Who's on first?

Hey, Abbott !
Abbott & Costello Meet the Pillsbury Man.



Friday, December 15, 2017

You'll wonder where the yellow went.

Let a smile be your...?

 Smile when your heart is breaking.



Thursday, December 14, 2017

Blood from a stone.

Works only in amber.
Someone should write a book about that.



Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Tuesday, December 12, 2017

Friends, Romans, Countrymen.

I come to Pillsbury, not to praise.
You might need a JD for the trial.



Monday, December 11, 2017

Sunday, December 10, 2017

Penny for your thoughts.

Must have been a Lincoln cent.
Factoring in the rate of inflation...


Saturday, December 9, 2017

Ready, aim, quest for fire.

Putting things in the proper perspective.
Water and fire don't mix, but water and humor do.



Friday, December 8, 2017

Thursday, December 7, 2017

On autopilot.

She's the self-driving car of mayhem.
Going by sheer instinct.



Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

TMI.

Not Three Mile Island.
Gilda is in there somewhere.



Monday, December 4, 2017

This is an EAS test.

There's a channel for every interest.
Postcards from the fringe.



Sunday, December 3, 2017

Cost of doing business.

It's the l'esprit de l'escalier.
Too late now.


Saturday, December 2, 2017

Priceless.

You can't put a price on romance.
Getting in the mood.



Friday, December 1, 2017

Thursday, November 30, 2017

Pet Sounds.

Pancho wants the spread.
Live long and prosper.



Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Tweet free or die.

Is that one of the kids from Family Circus?
All the king's horses and all the king's men...



Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Windows the last generation.

Step out on the ledge to enjoy the view down.
Don't jump to conclusions, Just jump.



Monday, November 27, 2017

Augmented reality.

It was probably a suicide.
That was the highest drop available.



Sunday, November 26, 2017

Saturday, November 25, 2017

Let's do the twist.

Rubber babies' baby rubbers.

The rubber barons are robber barons in Brazil.

Friday, November 24, 2017

The hydra effect.

Cut off one and two grow back.
Real or not, here they come.



Thursday, November 23, 2017

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

With all the fixings.

At least the turkey is having a happy thanksgiving.
It only has to make it past Christmas.



Tuesday, November 21, 2017

The Practice.

It ain't funny, McGee.
Speaking of old jokes, that is Fibber McGee and Molly.



Monday, November 20, 2017

Purple Rain.

You never know what you might learn.
It's not Under the Cherry Moon.



Sunday, November 19, 2017

Saturday, November 18, 2017

Bare necessities.

Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity.
Redundant, redundant, redundant.

Friday, November 17, 2017

Taking whoopee.

That's what you get folks...

For making whoopee. Not to be confused with the pie or the cushion.

Thursday, November 16, 2017

Accidents will happen.

Slapstick movies have already been discovered.
But you never know...



Wednesday, November 15, 2017

That's what we do.

Flo would be there for you, too.
It always works in the commercials.



Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Trump the magazine.

It went bankrupt, too.
Then he left when the prediction came true.



Monday, November 13, 2017

The nanny.

Fran Drescher refused the job.
And Julie Andrews was too busy.



Sunday, November 12, 2017