Saturday, December 31, 2011

Cast of thousands.

The tried and true gags never fail.

Family portrait time.
Happy New Year from the Barney & Clyde Blog.

Friday, December 30, 2011

But me no butts.

Yoda says,  "Lard or lard not. There is no butt."

Puts the hustle in her bustle.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Escape artist.

A trick that Houdini never mastered.

I dreamed I performed magic in my Maidenform bra.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Sacred cow.

Well, there goes India.

He was going to say, "Holy cow patties."

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Barney, Betty and Bamm-Bamm.

Better than Flintstones. It's  Rubble.

And how do you plan to keep kids from swallowing the real things?

Monday, December 26, 2011

Mad as a hatter.

The Warden in Word Girl is always eating his hat.

Mercury poisoning to follow..
If it's a felt hat, he would be eating rabbit.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Just call her Bishop Foxx.

She could have been ordained. By hook or by crook.

Give him the hook.
It's less disruptive than the gong.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

The gist of the magi.

They were astrologers, after all.

Astrology was the first natural science.
Merry Christmas on behalf of Barney & Clyde.

Friday, December 23, 2011

Greatest Show on Earth.

Is running in the kitchen. Also hiring a lion tamer.

There's one born every minute.
Trapeze artists don't wear pads and helmets. That'll show him.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Spices.

When you are a bigamist, you have spice.

Louses spelling up.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Bound for glory.

Fit to be tied.

The original title of this comic strip was Leopold and Donatien.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

D'oh.

Not everyday that you find that much bread.

What a crumby joke.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Hold-em.

He said with a poker face.

Or straight. It suits him.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Riki-Tiki-Tavi.

Nag and Nagaina better watch out.

It's all right. She's a charmer.
Or their natural enemy, the fakir
It makes a nice change from the usual cat and dog, dog and dog, cat and gerbil fights.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Tapiring off.

She can quit any time she wants.

A visit from the death panel.
Bringing her work home is just a temporary thing.

Friday, December 16, 2011

What is Banal, Alex?

B-oddly Functions on Game Shows for $1000.
The alimentary canal secret to winning on Jeopardy.

Be anal. Retain everything.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Special K.

The gateway drug to the horse tranquilizers.

Barney recognizes that there is a market for it in the park.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Staid in bed.

Some of her best thinking is done in bed.

Anyway, that's what Consuela is paid to do. The union will be picketing. And think of it as solving the unemployment problem.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Q and A.

Mind your Ps, too.

Let's keep that on the QT.

Monday, December 12, 2011

The early worm.

It's the very best  place to tie one on.

Or to find worm gear. Fishing for compliments?

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Public enemy.

Dillinger had nothing on her.

I could be wrong, but nobody ever sees the bottoms of your shoes, unless you are killed by an irate car owner.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Flatley denies it.

All clogged up.

It probably has something to do with standing in line for the restroom.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Seven Year Itch.

It's exactly like Monroe on the subway grate.

Call Dabney Steamer.
Except for the gender, and the great legs, and Joe Dimaggio.
Without the monthly steam cleaning Dabney would get the itch.


Thursday, December 8, 2011

A bit of a pun.

So, what's the drill?
It bodes ill, but it augurs well.

He might ream you a new one.
It's bracing.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

It makes scents.

It's like fingerprints, you mean.

It's the equivalent of a rear license plate.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Mind reading.

It's like she has ESP.

Chortle interruptus.
You can rupture something that way.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Shear madness.

That's what she gets for going to a clip joint.

Catch the wave.
Surf's up!

Sunday, December 4, 2011

R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

With a name like Butkis, you would expect his nose to be...well...

Good job, Brownie.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Shoes styled by Mr. Dabney.

Get them while they are still young.
And they are yours for life.

The Manolo Blahnik of the toddler set.

A founding member of NOW.

I believe only in nownownownownownownownownow...

Do you want that gift-wrapped?

Friday, December 2, 2011

DO call me late for dinner.

Respect does not imply cooperation.

We prefer anthropophagi.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

SHAZAM!

And Captain Marvel would agree if he were not an infringement.

UberAlien from another planet, fighting for Truth, Justice and the American Way.
Fawcett will be suing for the lightning bolt.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Ralph Edwards would be pleased.

Truth or Consequences.

Beulah the Buzzer must have sounded.
He didn't let him finish the answer, "In theory. In theory!"

Monday, November 28, 2011

Oxford theory.

And Bacon was eaten by Marlowe.

In fact, Shakespeare wore Oxfords.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

We're number one.

You'll take my burger when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.

Pound for pound the greatest nation on Earth.
It's a thing we like to call mass marketing.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Orion the Crapper.

When Don Mclean says, "Lend me an ear."

That way lies madness, or post mortem fame.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Look for the union label.

There ought to be a seven-second delay.

She can't even go to the Student Union Building.
Watch out for his wardrobe malfunction at halftime.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

What it was, was football.

Which gave us the Melon bowl.

And rugby was played on a rug.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Stuffed.

And everyone is stuffed, not only the bird.

The circle of life.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Radical roots.

It's all Greek to me.

A little learning is a dangerous thing. Especially in the wrong hands.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Miner in English.

Dig it. 7 habits of rarely affected people,

Little ore, no effect.

or nuns in a cloistered order.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

What was the question again?

Did you say, "I don't get laid?" Or "I can't get laid?"

Screwy grammar.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Be it ever so humble.

Ruby slippers not required.

Sweet dreams are made of these.
Who am I to disagree?
I've traveled the world and the seven seas.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Maybe it was gremlins.

Or possibly menehunes.

It's like the socks that get lost in the washing machine.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Timex.

Takes a licking and keeps on ticking.

JohnCameronSwayze Barnard Pillsbury.
What, you thought he had a Rolex?
Of course I can describe it. Mickey's big hand was on the twelve, and his little hand was on the two.
There is more than one way to hold the one percent accountable.
 What time is it?

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

The grand bargain.

"Go big."

Money cannot buy me love.
The Great Compromiser. Or maybe just the Great Miser.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

United we stand.

We shall not be moved. Except by Pillsbury Laxatives.

Captain One Percent.
Up, up, and away...

Monday, November 14, 2011

Cue the William Tell overture..

All right, now you have the American Indians mad at you, too.

Tonto and the Billionaire.
"Ridden out of town naked."

I'm not completely clear on who will be naked or who will be riding whom.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

If you assume the mortgage.

Seems only equitable.

You occupy Dabney's home, and he gets to occupy yours.

De-feet funny Gus Toad.

Hey, it works for Clem Phelgm.

A Jim Henson creation.
Lovable like Kermit The Frog.