Saturday, March 31, 2012

As predicted in Time...Fortune...Life...Luce.

Backward ran sentences until reeled the mind.

With apologies to Wolcott Gibbs.

In theory there is a remedy.

Sorry, I mean, in Siri.

But you would fit right in in Barthelona.
Or change to Fortran, Basic, Cobol or Pascal.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Angry birds.

You don't want to make them angry. Trust me, you wouldn't like them angry.

They always outlive their owners. And can answer for them.
(Cleanup in panel two! Misplaced apostrophe in panel two!)

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Nitty Gritty Dirt Band covers the Lovin' Spoonful.

Or possibly The Chordettes. Or Sandy Duncan and Paul Sand.

On the other hand, it might just be Neil Gaiman.

According to a Reliable Source (well, it was posted on Facebook, so it must be true), Jerry Sandusky was the original punchline for this strip.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Futbol.

Not since the last World Cup.

That's accounts for plate tectonics.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Where the Sun don't shine.

Oh, that's easy. Home-schooled Republicans.

Next, the moon landing hoax.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

It's ultrasound day.

Judging by the dilated pupils, that cute little bunny appears to be on some kind of illegal drug, or is a test animal for mascara.

We apologize for the inconvenience.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Grace under pressure.

Dean Martin could have made falling off a Segway cool.

Cool and class are coterminous.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Charity begins.

Lucretia is piling up karma points by feeding the poor.

Charity begins at the curb.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Effing unspeakable.

Unutterably indescribable.

Undefined variable. Error #38.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

I once shot an elephant in my pajamas.

We don't get many kangaroos in here.
At $10 a beer, it's no wonder.

The professor looks vaguely familiar.
Kangaroo walks into a bar and asks for a beer. Bartender says, "Wallaby a marsupial's uncle."

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Plop, plop, fizz, fizz.

I always thought that Speedy invented it.

After a falling-out with his brother Bromo.

Monday, March 19, 2012

All's quill that ends quill.

No need to get all prickly about it.

Is that a barbed reply?

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Knock, knock.

Iran over a porcupine who?

Ayatollah so.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Moschitta mouth.

Didn't you used to spiel for Fed Ex?

When you absolutely, positively have to satisfy the FDA.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Playing Footsie.

Because skirts were so long, that a foot fetish was all that was possible.

Don't even ask why shoes are called pumps.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Glaring error.

They can, but how much do you want to pay?

I shutter to think of the cost.
Think of the cost of adding venetian blinds to your phone.
And the strangulation risk!

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

AKA Harpo.

People also like Adolphe Marx.

And Adolph's Meat Tenderizer is great.
And it worked for Coors and Busch, as we noted yesterday.
Now, Heinrich is another thing altogether.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Busch league.

Dabney's conscience has been amBusched.

It a-Piels to his bitters angel.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Hopalong.

The alternative is to dig up William Boyd, who would work just as cheap.

Bad puns make good advertising.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Magic rabbit.

He can turn an ordinary man into a greedy sellout.

Or, if you prefer, one of the 99 percent into one of the one percenters.
Imagine what could be done with a water-skiing squirrel.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Recalculating.

You haven't lived until you have followed a GPS up a dead end street.

You meet the nicest people that way.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Idjit.

It's a Manichaean world out there. Be careful.

Kilroy was here.

He got up on both sides of the bed this morning.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Perpetual Motionist.

That would violate the Second Law of Thermodynamics: The world is going to Hell in a handbarrow.

Drying out only increases entropy.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Going all KJV on him.

Smite thee, smite thee, Abel Baker Charlie.

Can''t we all just get along?

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Victoria's secret.

If that were true, then you would think that brassieres would always have unfastened from the front.




Just ask Prince Albert.

Monday, March 5, 2012

O' so rh positive.

They are assembled by Rhesus monkeys.

That also explains the term "vampire appliance."

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Holey cheese, Batman.

That explanation has some holes in it.

I always thought that it was from the cow worms.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Outside Quebec, anyway.

Now that's just plain mean.

True, but mean.

Friday, March 2, 2012

On his uppers.

Obviously, we can say "Shift-2" for @.

And many swear words, too.
Just hope that they never find a new use for #, or we will not be able to "pound." Isn't that right, hashtag?

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Mr. Worthing, I presume.

Was he found in a handbag in the left luggage room?

The importance of being Ernest.

Oscar Wilde to James Whistler: I wish I had said that, Jamey.
James Whistler to Oscar Wilde: You will, Oscar, you will.

"Prism! Where is that baby?"