Thursday, May 31, 2012

I lke turtles.

And nobody ever asks what happened to the tortoise.

That's what he gets for not wearing a hat.
What makes it worse is that a tortoise is a mock turtle.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Catch some zeds.

It looks as though it would be relatively easy to catch some zees. With a net.

Take Sominex tonight and sleep. Safe and restful. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

I'm sorry. I can't do that, Dave.

Just call him HAL for short.

His last name is 9000.

Monday, May 28, 2012

Pigeon English.

Because the always are interviewed in the restroom.

Or because pigeons always poop on the statues.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

I've heard that song before.

It's from an old familiar score.
I saw a man who wasn't there. He isn't there again today.

Short-term memory is a problem for some people.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Spock's Brain.

I wonder if "ogling" was how that originally read?

Wouldn't hormone shots accomplish the same thing?

Friday, May 25, 2012

Such a tease.

And when it's done in the comics,

it's a strip tease. Rimshot.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Elba, schmelba.

John Cameron Swayze said, "These are the Timex that try men's souls."
And Nathan Hale really said, "Damn, that didn't go as planned."

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

See a Penny, pick her up.

Does that also apply to J.C. Penney?

He's beginning to remind of Dr. Sheldon Cooper.

Monday, May 21, 2012

All in the family.

Darryl D. Bunker, no relation to Archie or the Dingbat.
And this is my other brother Darryl.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

In Memoriam Maurice Sendak.

Well, here's another fine Night Kitchen you've gotten me into.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

The only Tatum I know is O'Neal.

Never offer Dabney a penny for his thoughts.

They aren't worth a plugged nickel.

Friday, May 18, 2012


Because "So, a needle pulling thread" is impeccable.

Be bop a Lula, she's my baby...

Thursday, May 17, 2012

It's like deja vu all over again.

Earnest has been gnawing this particular bone since April 5.

A good, healthy obsession is one that lurks and waits for its moment to recur.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012


My fish mo' bettah. It no ka oi, koi.
It watched too much PBS.
Duane could be the first person ever beaten senseless with an aquarium light.
He could be sleeping with the fishes.
There's something fishy about this suicide.
I could understand it if the fish were called Wanda. It just wanda'd away.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

You won't like me when I'm angry.

Don't anger the elevator. It will never stop if you make it angry.

It knows your weakness is impatience.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Vertigo come, vertigo go.

Duane is slowly wearing down her resistance.

Yesterday the moving stair
Wasn't moving, wasn’t there
It wasn’t there again today
Now all I do is stare all day.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Three Billy Goats Gruff.

Isn't she just trying to get their goat?

Butt me no butts.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Ripley's Belive It or Huh?

Huh facts are a new class of useless facts, AKA Bar Facts.

Unless you write a comic strip, that is.
Look in the IFAQ, infrequently asked questions.

Friday, May 11, 2012

Boner's Ark.

Special discount for famous pets day.

Rin-tin-tin, Benji, Beethoven, and Lassie have their own days.

Thursday, May 10, 2012


And because of computerized cash registers, nobody knows how to make change anymore.

The 2,000-year-old man has nothing on Ebenezer.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Hash Tag.

We used to call it a pound sign. There's following, and then there's stalking.

At least they are paying attention.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Bieber fever.

Or it might just be the flaming going on.

But don't mention Jerry.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Herve Villechaize.

Well, she wants a Tattoo.

Barney was taking quite a risk. Who wouldn't want a tat of Kim Jong Il?

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Gen Shift Option K.

Apple will already have secured the naming rights by then.

For the moment, we'll ignore that Gen X was turning 20 during the 1990s.

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Who are Jim Backus and Leslie Nielsen?

Quincy Magoo must have been related to Dabney.

People who have played Magoo.

Friday, May 4, 2012


The next step is total anarchy.

There will always be rebels.
They probably didn't know whether to recycle this strip in the plastics or the metals, since it is irony.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

A viking we will go.

What a horrible thing to say.

They made it to the Superbowl. That counts for something.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Lobster: Ocean-going insect.

As Willie Scott said in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom,

"I had bugs for lunch."

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Watts up, doc?

Running the joke right into the ground.

Sparks are flying at the cooler. Water is the conductor for their electric wit. The are poles apart.