Lucretia Pillsbury

Of the supporting cast members, one of the more important and, for many readers, the most intriguing. The second wife of title character Barney, Lucretia is described as an unhappy trophy wife. Her name alone has generated thousands of comments. People are fascinated by the potential influence that her name has played in the development of her character. Did she poison Barney's first wife, honoring the exemplary Borgia? Or is she a post modern feminist, a new Mott? Is she a woman wronged like the Roman matron?

The truth is much stranger than any of the speculations and imaginings of the lunatic readers.

Take a look at her Facebook profile. "Barney’s better half. She knows she’s a trophy wife and isn’t at all happy about it. Lucretia is plenty smart, but has a hard time being taken seriously, particularly by her stepdaughter, Cynthia." Read that again, this time carefully. Need a hint? "She knows she's a trophy wife..." Study the picture carefully.

Still don't get it? OK, take a look at this detail from the picture, enlarged 400 percent.

Yes, that's right. Lucretia is literally a Trophy Wife. No wonder she's unhappy.

Lucretia Coffin was born prematurely, and has always been small. So small was she at birth, that she was given to a wallaby to be nursed. "The wallaby was very nice. Not as fashionable as the panda, of course, but much more responsible." Lucretia still speaks with a slight Australian accent. Despite her disadvantageous birth, Lucretia made the most of her petite figure. She began modeling as a teen, which led to small, uncredited movie roles. She doubled for Julia Roberts as Tinkerbell in Spielberg's Hook. "It was a thrill to work with Steven." Her big break came in 1998 when she was cast as Trophy Catherine in "The Witch" episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. "They dipped me in this gold paint, and made a wire frame for me to rest against. It was hell, even so, holding that position and being able to move only my eyes." (How did you think they made the eyes move?) She went on to be the principal model for Barbie. It was at a Barbie launch party that she met Barney. Actually, she met Cynthia first, who tried to kidnap her. Luckily, Barney rescued her from Cynthia's backpack. The rest is comic history.