Fool me once.

 The joke's on her. She forgot...

They have a doorbell camera.

Jewelry for Dummies.

 Now certified completely fact-free.

Previously enhanced.

Freeloaders.

 If you are going to steal...

Steal from only the best.

Fore !

 It helps to have a former soccer player as caddie.

Finding the right scorekeeper  is essential.

Breaking News.

 Before there was a Gulf of Mexico...

Before there were Vikings in Vinland.

To the max.

 Barney gets the windfall.

Clyde gets the air.

Failing upward.

 Fear of failure is called Success.

He learned it the hard way.

Outlook uncertain.

 Her Magic 8 Ball was very certain.

It is a tossup.

From time to time.

 He should try crossing the International Date Line sometime.

Time's a-wasting.

Breaking news.

 Give that man an Olympic medal for Breaking.

More Gene Kelly than Fred Astaire.

The DEI Cookbook.

 There will be an executive order about that.

Choose one in the interests of efficiency.

Going viral.

 Billionaires are his best customers...

Worst patients but best customers.

A glowing report.

 Where ignorance is bliss...and sometimes fatal.

Knowing what you are doing only slows things.

Risky business.

 The words "at cost" are as if from a foreign language.

He could be kicked out of the war profiteers club for that.

Not an Ibsen play.

And Barney's miniature is really an "action figure,"

Not a doll.

Snakes and ladders.

 If that were true, there would not be...

A python hunt in Florida.

Silence is golden.

 It was not what he did not say that hurt...

But rather how he did not say it.

Role reversal.

 At least he won't be chasing cars.

He can't run that fast.

Roll over.

 It will be a shock collar, of course.

That rules out getting a nose ring, then.

Too late smart.

 You should have asked before the fact not after.

Getting there is far from boring, however.

I, Robot.

 Robots don't have fingers, but Droids do.

Using a human proxy is devious.

Sense and Sensoribility.

 Leniency is too often mistaken for weakness...

By the lower classes.

The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark.

 At least he doesn't think that he's Laurence Olivier.

Something is rotten in the state of Denmark,

Time and Again.

 "I'm late, I'm late for a very important date."

Not suitable for all audiences.

 Discretion may be the better part of valor,

But popcorn is the butter part of discretion.

Coming attractions.

 It will all work out in the end.

Or he can bring it up right away.

Meatless Thursday.

 There is a soy conspiracy.

The added spice of smuggled plant-based protein.

To make a long story short.

 That certainly clears things up.

Credit: Postscript Duane Butkis, Vice President, Department of Pillsbury Efficiency.

The right man for the job.

 He has all the necessary qualifications.

First name that came to mind.

You put your right foot in.

 Makes as much sense...

As anything RFK, Jr. says.

Psst, pass it on.

 Any excuse will do.

No regulation.