Gold plate.

 Jack the Cat could eat no fat. His wife could eat no lean.

Between the two of them, they licked the platter clean.

Self-regulation.

 Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

It goes into his permanent file.

A Grill's Best Friend.

 What's a little cannibalism between friends?

A moveable feast. Move inside.

In memoriam

 The invitation did say "Immediate Family Only."

A well-urned eulogy.

Certified Financial Planner.

 He contributed greatly to medical research.

And don't forget his IRA.

No, no regrets.

 She's not bad, she's just drawn that way.

He was a strict vegan.

Somebody needs a hug.

 Poor Adolf, all that work delivering eggs...

It was bound to catch up with him.

Billionaire people, they are the worst.

 Or as Marvin the Robot might have said...

"People ! Don't talk to me about people."

Nightmare at Sea Level.

 Was it William Shatner or a Gremlin?

Never watch "Nightmare at 20,000 Feet" while flying.

Seasonal Affective Disorder.

 Perhaps something happened in January...

That has caused widespread insomnia.

Truly alarming.

 If it is work-related...

She is sleeping on the job.

Diagnostic program.

 If Pillsbury is paying for her services,

She must work very cheaply.

Crossing the deadline.

 If what he says is true...

Then you have probably been fired.

One little mistake.

Collectively, the People sometimes can ...

Get it very wrong.

Nothing is free.

 Corporate accountants charge by the hour.

It takes money to not pay taxes.

Bottoms up.

Good thing that they have a chauffeur.

That will put hair on her chest.

Sarcasm on the side.

 Condescension is priceless on the menu.

Improv at the restaurant.

Godfather Four.

 They might wake up one morning...

With a polar bear's head in their bed.

Art for Artist's sake.

 "The cobbler should stick to his last."

Apelles, the James A.M. Whistler of Ancient Greece.

The forest for the trees.

 Poplar was so popular with Thomas Jefferson,

That he built a home in Poplar Forest.

Long-lost.

 Never had and glad of it.

He can still be disowned.

Trustee.

 He forgot to mention that it is an unbreakable trust.

But, then, he might be putting him on.

Trick question.

 Snap quizzes are often the most unsettling.

This one is a no-brainer.

Continuing resolution.

 His CD is about to roll over and die.

Past its expiration date.

The D-Word.

 It could have been worse.

It could have included.

The ties that bind.

 Large and gaining new members every day.

First and last name the same.

Fool me once.

 The joke's on her. She forgot...

They have a doorbell camera.

Jewelry for Dummies.

 Now certified completely fact-free.

Previously enhanced.

Freeloaders.

 If you are going to steal...

Steal from only the best.

Fore !

 It helps to have a former soccer player as caddie.

Finding the right scorekeeper  is essential.

Breaking News.

 Before there was a Gulf of Mexico...

Before there were Vikings in Vinland.

To the max.

 Barney gets the windfall.

Clyde gets the air.

Failing upward.

 Fear of failure is called Success.

He learned it the hard way.

Outlook uncertain.

 Her Magic 8 Ball was very certain.

It is a tossup.

From time to time.

 He should try crossing the International Date Line sometime.

Time's a-wasting.

Breaking news.

 Give that man an Olympic medal for Breaking.

More Gene Kelly than Fred Astaire.

The DEI Cookbook.

 There will be an executive order about that.

Choose one in the interests of efficiency.

Going viral.

 Billionaires are his best customers...

Worst patients but best customers.

A glowing report.

 Where ignorance is bliss...and sometimes fatal.

Knowing what you are doing only slows things.

Risky business.

 The words "at cost" are as if from a foreign language.

He could be kicked out of the war profiteers club for that.

Not an Ibsen play.

And Barney's miniature is really an "action figure,"

Not a doll.

Snakes and ladders.

 If that were true, there would not be...

A python hunt in Florida.

Silence is golden.

 It was not what he did not say that hurt...

But rather how he did not say it.

Role reversal.

 At least he won't be chasing cars.

He can't run that fast.

Roll over.

 It will be a shock collar, of course.

That rules out getting a nose ring, then.

Too late smart.

 You should have asked before the fact not after.

Getting there is far from boring, however.

I, Robot.

 Robots don't have fingers, but Droids do.

Using a human proxy is devious.

Sense and Sensoribility.

 Leniency is too often mistaken for weakness...

By the lower classes.

The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark.

 At least he doesn't think that he's Laurence Olivier.

Something is rotten in the state of Denmark,

Time and Again.

 "I'm late, I'm late for a very important date."