Red light means stop.

 He's a standup kind of guy.

Don't ask, he won't tell.

Turn into a pumpkin.

 They ran out of non-stolen goods.

Never a cop around when you need one.

Grand Theft Candy.

 The Halloween extortion racket.

It would be his third strike.

Cost of Doing Business.

 The 19th Hole is the center of the business world.

Tennis for fun and profit.

Balance of power.

 Who needs whom in this partnership?

Not so tough love.

A real tearjerker.

 Tearjerker or simply a jerk?

Three hankies required.

The humanity.

 After long and careful examination of the question...

Yes, he would.

Now you're cooking.

 It was Consuela after a glass of sake.

But how do mother cows feel about calves brains?

The ethnic joke.

 And how hilarious is that !

He forgot to say, "Gotcha."

Eat, drink and be merry.

 Some of it is funny money.

Fungible also contains bilge.

Absolutively.

 And Absolut tends to leave one powerless.

Also a British TV series with Stephen Fry.

Buried lie.

 It's not even a white lie, it's a black box lie.

You get more than you bargained on.

Straight talking.

 A wise plan from a wise guy.

No copying.

Let me count the ways.

 Have your lawyer contact her lawyer.

There's always Hope.

Lumbering along.

 Tree huggers of the world UNITE !

No lumberjacks need apply.

Setting new standards.

Speling gud is veri overated.

Looks can be decieving.

To the contrary.

 Well, if you put it like that, no.

You are absolutely correct.

Theater of the absurd.

 Even for a Seabee, the impossible takes a little longer.

Self-propulsion comes later.

Batting for the royals.

 The royal club might have one fewer member.

A rapid redeployment might be in order. RUN !

Apple of his eye.

 He's about to learn what it feels like to be crowned.

Three strikes and you're in -- for life.

Cutting edge science.

 One of the most important functions of science...

Learning from one's mistakes.

The reign of terror.

 Twice the horror at no extra charge.

CAYA. BYOB.

Come as you are. Bring your own bag.

Cold comfort.

Worst cold season on record.

Sniffles wherever you turn.

Grinding your roots.

 Closely related to Mrs. Malaprop and William Spooner.

Truth be told.

Everything is relative.

 He does not stand on principle, he tramples it.

Save the principle, spend the interest.

Rebel for hire.

 Rebellion gets stale without new challenges.

And she is very challenging.

Pathfinder.

 Nature always finds a way...

And so does money.

Home on the range.

 He roams free, despite the best efforts of the police.

He thinks everything is free. He never pays for anything.

The final frontier.

 Where no one has gone before.

All to the tune of Moon River.

Spun out.

 Someone is spinning a web.

Relatively speaking.

Little stinker.

 In the words of Dr. Samuel Johnson...

"No, Madam, I stink, you smell."