Mother Goose for the Twenty-First Century.

 Annotated and updated for the modern reader.

And other fractured fairy tales.

A man with a plan.

 A productive life after life.

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Let it snow.

 Ah, for the good old days of test patterns.

It never snows on digital TV.

Of course you know this means war.

 The eternal war between AC and DC.

That escalated quickly.

A straight line.

 What's the shortest distance between two jokes?

A straight line.

One percenter.

 He supplies the one percent of inspiration.

Others provide the ninety-nine percent perspiration.

Who was that masked man?

 Instead of a magic bullet, they made a magic pullet.

It's highway robbery.

Don't ask, can't tell.

 There are some mysteries that are better left unexplained.

He has a trained service animal.

A small slipup.

 A gag with a peel.

Never look back, a pratfall might be ahead of you.

The boring strip.

 Grandpa Eb, he's so predictably unpredictable.

Grandparents say the darndest things.

What's in a name?

 A lollipop by any other name will taste as sweet.

In the words of Shakespear, Gary Shakespear without the terminal "e".

Kick the can.

 Kick the can is better than kick the bucket.

Also, a Twilight Zone episode (Season 3, #21).

An all-day sucker.

 If you need an incentive, that's as good as any.

Sweet !

The unspeakable.

 Wash her mouth out with soap only if it's the right brand.

Almost blasphemous.

Today we lurv teachers.

 And that is the accumulated back pay.

It's a semi-sincere admiration.

Hearts and flowers.

 The days all tend to run together.

And Washington's Birthday is not what it used to be.

News of the World.

 Raising the inevitable question, what's a magazine?

Next thing you know, there won't be a Boy's Life.

To the manner born.

 "tis a custom more honored in the breach

Than in the observance.

Separating the men from the boys.

 Men, the size and price of their toys increases with age.

And the trophy to match.

Nature, red in tooth and claw.

 Sometimes you feel like a nut.

Had him up a tree.

Risky business.

 You say that as if it were a bad thing.

There could be more than one.

That's just super.

 Now that's what I call entertainment.

De gustibus non est disputandum.

Three's company.

 Two's company. Three's a party.

BYOB.

To tell the truth.

Drop dead, and have a nice day.

Very sincerely yours truly.

Peer-to-peer.

 And all marine equipment is pier reviewed.

Publish to perish.

I have a theory.

" It might be bunnies," according to Anya the Vengeance Demon.

In Buffy the Musical. Or maybe not.

It's the berries.

 They would be Henderson and Brown.

And Ethel Merman.

Temperatures rising.

Talk about carrying coals to Newcastle.

 He knew that, Shirley.