HAPPY NEW YEAR 2018.

too loud?

A little green around the gills.

Windfall.

It's an ill wind that blows nobody any good.

Always look on the bright side.

Indulge me.

Indulgences are what got the Pope in trouble with Martin Luther.

But not in the same way.

In the words of the song.

It's the paper diet.

Now, if you want to throw a dollar across the Delaware...

Why is it...?

The only permanent press still around.

Somebody misplaced his glasses.

Potato famine.

The blight will get them however you pronounce them.

Idaho or Yukon Gold.

A penny saved is a penny that can be embezzled.

"The art of getting riches consists very much in thrift." -- Ben Franklin.

Or stealing and fencing, as the case may be.

Don't monkey around.

Make a monkey out of him.

Or he'll be a monkey's uncle.

Scrooged.

In the words of Tiny Tim...

Tiptoe through the tulips.
Merry Christmas.

New tricks.

The lowest form of humor is the phone.

Dog gone.

The joker's wild.

Or it could just be you.

Too much of a good thing?

Party, party.

Some of them go as purse accessories.

More fashionable than chihuahuas.

North By Northwest.

Like Hamlet, he is only mad north-northwest.

Next stop, Mount Rushmore.

We're Number One.

Will there be any bowl games?

Is it in Flushing?

CSI: Pillsbury.

Sleep with one eye open.

Too much television will do that.

Who's on first?

Hey, Abbott !

Abbott & Costello Meet the Pillsbury Man.

You'll wonder where the yellow went.

Let a smile be your...?

 Smile when your heart is breaking.

Blood from a stone.

Works only in amber.

Someone should write a book about that.

Do the right thing.

Best to remain anonymous.

Too good to be true.

Friends, Romans, Countrymen.

I come to Pillsbury, not to praise.

You might need a JD for the trial.

A pottle and a peck.

The long and winding road through her mind.

A couple of quarts low.

Penny for your thoughts.

Must have been a Lincoln cent.

Factoring in the rate of inflation...

Ready, aim, quest for fire.

Putting things in the proper perspective.

Water and fire don't mix, but water and humor do.

Case in point.

They don't make them like they used to.

Drop everything.

On autopilot.

She's the self-driving car of mayhem.

Going by sheer instinct.

How do you know when he's lying?

He's breathing.

We need higher math for the numbers.

TMI.

Not Three Mile Island.

Gilda is in there somewhere.

This is an EAS test.

There's a channel for every interest.

Postcards from the fringe.

Cost of doing business.

It's the l'esprit de l'escalier.

Too late now.

Priceless.

You can't put a price on romance.

Getting in the mood.

What a day for a day gream.

It's the Lovin' Spoonful.

Dreamin' about my bundle of joy.

Pet Sounds.

Pancho wants the spread.

Live long and prosper.

Tweet free or die.

Is that one of the kids from Family Circus?

All the king's horses and all the king's men...

Windows the last generation.

Step out on the ledge to enjoy the view down.

Don't jump to conclusions, Just jump.

Augmented reality.

It was probably a suicide.

That was the highest drop available.

Has it been a year already?

It gets more difficult every year.

No wonder he hates surprises.

Let's do the twist.

Rubber babies' baby rubbers.

The rubber barons are robber barons in Brazil.

The hydra effect.

Cut off one and two grow back.

Real or not, here they come.

Is there a doctor in the house?

Must be a pediatrician.

He's a kid doctor.

With all the fixings.

At least the turkey is having a happy thanksgiving.

It only has to make it past Christmas.

The Practice.

It ain't funny, McGee.

Speaking of old jokes, that is Fibber McGee and Molly.

Purple Rain.

You never know what you might learn.

It's not Under the Cherry Moon.

Attention deficit.

A well-informed populace.

What was the question?

Bare necessities.

Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity.

Redundant, redundant, redundant.

Taking whoopee.

That's what you get folks...

For making whoopee. Not to be confused with the pie or the cushion.

Accidents will happen.

Slapstick movies have already been discovered.

But you never know...

That's what we do.

Flo would be there for you, too.

It always works in the commercials.

Trump the magazine.

It went bankrupt, too.

Then he left when the prediction came true.

The nanny.

Fran Drescher refused the job.

And Julie Andrews was too busy.

Our Neighbor at 1600.

What she actually wrote was...

Or Current (P)resident.