Splish, Splash.

It worries me that Bobby might catch a chill jumping out of the tub, and aggravate his rheumatic fever.

It also worries me that Bobby's real name was Walden.
It also worries me that ALF's real name was Gordon, and he was separated from Rhonda.

Pie-Eyed Piper.

It could have been worse. He might have used the Spanish pronunciation and told her it came

from Roman pez.

VOTE NOW!

Show your lemming-like herd instincts, and follow B&C over the proverbial cliff by voting for a lost cause. Be remembered as the modern equivalent of the last Confederate soldier to surrender. Vote for B&C in the Trib poll.

That's the signpost up ahead...

Your next stop -- The Ebenezer Zone.

Walking Distance.

Eb must be daydreaming again.
Kick the Can. A Stop at Willoughby. He could have his own TV show back in the '50s.

Politically corrected.

That's so gay.

By which we mean that being a Cubs fan is laughable.
And, taken with Barney's Bears mania, yet another clue to the location of Barney & Clyde.

How ironic.

It's always good to provide an example when giving a definition.

Next, we deal with Mr. Sardonicus.

I would have guessed supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

Infinitely mispronounced, it appears.
Definately among artists of four-panel daily comic strips.

How about isthmus?
Stink lines are the comics equivalent to spelling check redlining.

Bread and Butter.

People who have buttons and people who know how to push them.

Driven to distraction, with Cynthia as chauffeur.
Speaking of which, we haven't seen Charles aka Bonesteel in a long while.

Fungus Face.

Jammy, Fungus Face, Curly, and Stubby.

That was quick and dirty.

His name is Maxwell Wi.

And he sells insurance.

Also, gossip has it that he dates Flo.

I love to be beside the seaside.

No, he means littoral.

I spy with my literal eye, a sty.
They are iron pigs.
The only bugs we can't control are litter bugs.

Vote in the Chicago Tribune Comics Poll.

Until April 30, the Tribune is running a reader poll to decide if B&C will continue on its comics page, or will be replaced. Vote here for B&C. If you like captchas, then this is the poll for you. If you are a robot, please ask a human being to assist you. If you are Brent Spiner, then you can probably vote without human assistance. If you are Dr. Sheldon Cooper, then you are fictional, but it's worth a try.

An Inconvenient Bore.

What else rhymes with Gore?

Snore?

Scabs.

I can't believe it's not scabs would be better.

Even though it's not something that a person would get at the local pharmacy, it's nice to know that Duane is looking out for the stockholders. Except the ones with gushing wounds.

Zippy.

It's at this point that Barney seeks the advice of the Muffler Man.

Or he goes to the diner to get a steaming hot cup of Valvoline.

Citizen Barney.

No resemblance at all to Charles Foster Kane.

What you lose per piece, you make up in volume.
"It might be fun to run a charity. Nah."

Toxic waste.

Waste of money, that is. That's enough to send Barney into shock.

There's a cure for that. Just raise prices on your other products.

The Mentalist.

He's as good as Patrick Jane.

But his accent is better.

Interrobanging the Percontation.

Well, isn't that genius, totally‽

¿snıuǝƃ ʇɐɥʇ ʇ,usı 'ןןǝʍ

¿Que?

Bonnie & Clyde.

Now we know how the strip got its name.

Barney is one wild and crazy guy.

Three men on match.

Easy for you to say.
Correct spelling is our msot important product.

Today we celebrate Olivia Wilde of House, M.D.

It's a trap.

OK, then what's the turd...I mean third?

That sounds like crap.

Astroturf.

Watching the paint dry on the Astroturf is for the seventh inning stretch.

FACT: Originally, the Astrodome had real grass that was painted green.

Off-speed pitch.

They can't hit the ball if you hold on to it.

Let's play two, as Ernie Banks used to say.

Bird-in-Hand.

A bird in hand will get its neck wrung.

Unless it's the town in Pennsylvania.

His Gal Friday.

Get me rewrite!

Press here.

Ben Hecht on line one.

Now explain etaoin shrdlu.

Processed cheese product.

For haute cuisine, you have to graduate to Velvetta.

And don't forget the Laughing Cow.

Formerly Known As.

The Diminutive Purple One.

People cannot be spam. They are spammers.
It's to protect against robots.
I don't think that Prince Rogers Nelson will fit in the box.

A man, a plan, a canal, Panama.

Don't let him near a Toyota.

He won't know whether he's coming or going.
We have not heard the last of this.

The Idiot Box.

What else would you have on it, if not idiots?

It's as if they were made for one another.
Or as Abraham Lincoln once said to Edward R. Murrow on Person to Person, "This great new medium for idiots, by idiots and of idiots shall not perish."

Mrs. Peel.

The eyes have it. Keep 'em skinned.

She will have to bone up, which might not make Barney happy.

Vampire Slayer.

You mean knocked her ass over tea kettle?

Vampire Slayers don't fall like a ton of bricks.