Best of both worlds.

Barney's getting the same service for free now.

The more things change...

I Accuse The Great Stone Face.

Not Buster Keaton, but the Snake-Haired monster.

What do you expect from a Cheese-Eating Surrender Monkey?

What kind of noise annoys an oyster?

And he does it so very well.

There has to be a price to pay for gouging. Complaints is one of them.

Right where it hurts.

Even evil stepmothers have hearts.

As Charlie Chaplin wrote, "Smile."

Or possiby Cleo.

Berenice is a regal name.

Help me, Rhonda.

How much is that doggy in the window?

How can you not give in to the big Keane eyes?

Sit up and beg. Now, roll over.

Night of the living zombie patents.

They go on even after expiring.

She has a future in politics, or blackmail, which is to say, the same thing.

Peter Schickele Protests.

The only Bach I know is P.D.Q.

John Osbourne is looking bach in anger.

Pre-Ken Berry.

Next, they might come up with a cure for Pyles.

Gomers, that is.

The McGuffin in the room.

Can you zoom in on that license plate?

A little scientific techobabble magic helps, too.

It's an open marriage.

It's all part of his evolution on the subject.

It's only a matter of time before bigamy sets in.

Bud-wise-er.

"And the bartender asks him if he wants a drink. Descartes says, "I drink, therefore I am."

And the giant frog says, "Bud..."

Now cut that out.

That cuts to the quick.

Cut to the chase.

An archy is better than no archy.

Just Betty and Veronica.

Or Jughead.

Loser.

One of those things that proves that there is something fundamentally wrong with the universe.

And it's been happening at an increasingly more frequent rate.

Codename Mary Jane.

Sounds as if they are right on schedule.

All the signs are positive.

A new age thing.

Anti-aging is the first thing you think of when you have two X-chromosomes.

Genius and genetic have the same root.

Dire Straits.

What do you call a plot device involving a deity from Michigan who wears a plaid coat?

Deus ex Mackinaw.

There's a character for that.

Don't go h8ting and taking the bread out of some other character's mouth.

Henry has that gig.

Skating on thin ice.

Actually, that would be knock-kneed.

Unless they are driven around in a horse-drawn cab.

Gassed.

Duane is out of gas.

Low-octane humor.

Mad Men.

It all comes down to marketing.

Make the public want what you have to sell.
In this case, absence.

Istanbul.

It's nobody's business but the Turks'.

Even old New York was once New Amsterdam.

Irving the Explainer.

Or Morris the Explainer. A character who is given the thankless task of providing necessary exposition.

You may recognize him from The Rockford Files.

Signs of the times.

And don't forget the Thousand Island.

But pour it out of the bottle first.

Oh zay can you zee.

Any AFLAC on me?

DUCK!

Comic Exchange Program.

Everyone has a Price.

There's a mountain in Wales...

Reaching for the stars.

Sometimes the strip likes to inspire and elevate the spirit.

Other times -- not so much.

Formally the ladder.

Or formerly the latter.

Just remember, the same people you step on going up the ladder are same ones you meet on the way down.

The Incredible Shrinking Woman.

If only the floor would open up and swallow her, too.

Chewing on pens is a filthy habit.
Now she wishes she were the Invisible Woman.

Nice buns.

The man dressed like a hot dog has his wiener exposed.

Dords and dordettes.

The opposites of dudes and dudettes, rural people who visit the big city on vacation.

Also, people from Dort.

Airing dirty laundry.

Seems like a stereotype. Are they out of the closet, then?

Best swept under the rug.

Golden Oldie.

Reinforcing an ancient stereotype.

Removing forever one subject of marital discord.

Alert the media.

And the so-called United Nations does nothing.

Clearly, an argument against intelligent design.

Argo.

Now explain Jason and the Golden Fleas.

Aw, go...

TMI.

Always ask yourself, "Do I really want to know?"

You're scarring the children for life.

Waste not, want not.

What's good for a column is good for the comics.

Sputtering is more impressive in cursive. Daffy Duck should have used it.

Inconceivable.

I don't think that means what you think it means.

Prepare to die.

H8R.

If you want to get the message to the younger generation, Henry.

It seems only fair, since he probably loathes himself, too.

Makes the world go round.

He also hates a mess hall.

He even hates hate.

Baked lamb chop.

Which explains Shari Lewis' hair style.

Ewww.

There's cool, and then there's Oetzi.

Hey, don't discount geek cool.

The Ice Man cometh.

Milk of Public Domain.

Holmes with have to rely on the Scotland Yard Constipateds.

I mean Constables. It saves them from doing hard time.

Remembering Meta Rosenberg.

Story editor and winner of four Emmy Awards.

Maybe she could explain it.
Oh, you mean some other meta-.

A hairy situation.

May the hair in your ears never grow less -- old Ferengi saying.

It's all relative.

Catty is as catty does.

Who's keeping score?

State tree is Pussy Galore.

Don't be evol.

It's in the charter.

You can't violate the Googol charter.

Spelling was not their strong suit, however.

I'm feeling lucky.

I thought that everybody used AltaVista.

Just kidding. Everybody uses Duckduckgo.com

Measure once, cut twice.

Or is it measure twice, cut once?

Look it up.