Mourning becomes Taffy.

Taffy has just used up one emergency sister.

There are only a limited number. They should be reserved for more important occasions, like skipping work to go shopping so that she has "something to wear to the funeral."

Give the man a lollipop.

He's just trying to be gnomic.

Somewhere a garden is empty.

Not as attracive as the Playboy Philosophy.

Ergo, not to be confused with Hefner's Bonerism,

Closer to Cleanserism, which is based on Bon Ami.

From the Greek.

The Greek, Jimmy, that is.

asphereterism -- from the Greek, a, without + spheteros, a clue. The belief that human nature can be ignored.

A dubious conclusion to be sure.

I suspect that his name is really Heisenberg. Or maybe I'm wrong...

He might be a cat named Schrödinger.

Possibly Adam Sandler.

Bad poetry is Adam Sandler's bag.

Without rhyme or reason.

Suspiciously like the Hanukkah Song.

I think I detect a flaw in the plan.

It could be worse.

One competitor could be Garfield.

All hail Saparmurat Niyazov Turkmenbashi!

Great is the honor of possessing this most admirable and timekeeping wristwatch machine, which commemorates the Leader of the Turkmen, President of Turkmenistan and Chairman of the Cabinet of Ministers, Suparmurat Niyazov, first president of Turkmenistan, 1990-2006.

Not Chairman Mao, but more rare, and just as tacky.

Awarded as one third of the Grand Prize in the Fiddler in the Subway copy editing challenge, which was held sometime in the last century, or so. (You can find it for sale somewhere of other, probably. It's a book, by the way.  By Gene Weingarten.)

Fair and Balanced.

Paul Newman did the same thing and more in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

And he had Katerine Ross with him on the bike.

Tempered mainspring.

And spring-wound pacemakers were better, too!

Old Crank.

If it doesn't have a crank, it's just a newfangled gewgaw.

Them bones.

And the arm bone's connected to the shoulder bone.

Technical support.Please hold.

Maybe the pipes are clogged? Or there's a pileup on the superhighway?
She should send an e-mail to Google's tech support.

Who's on first.

The comedy team of Pillsbury and Pillsbury.

Exactly like Stiller and Meara, or Nichols and May. Well, maybe not exactly.

So ket it be written. So let it be done.

You cannot change Fate.

Go tell that to Clotho, Lachesis and Atropos.
Evidently, not needless to say, Barney's logic is flawed. Having one's destiny written in the Book of Fate does not preclude that one has written one's own destiny there oneself.

Who's there?

Dogs are easily surprised.

I heard that, whoever you are.

Especially by themselves.

Larmarckism.

They run at about 95 decibels.

EPA rated hazardous.

With Lucretia it must be the inheritance of acquired characteristics or a retro virus.

Mother Nature's little helpers.

Hormonally speaking.

Diddlly do.

Almost a Ned Flanders moment.

And ample new interests.

That towel is rather suggestive.

Not to mention ambiguous.

Rugged individualists.

Direct her to the table for uniquely anti-social nonconformists.

Is there an Egotists Club?

Puttin' on the Ritz.

Flower!

In he book, he was a world traveler.

Hi, I'm Prof. Albert Lawrence Brooks.

It could be worse.

It could be his brother Super Dave Osbourne.

Prospective perspective perspicacious?

What might Lucretia's worst nightmare look like?

Stuck in the middle with you.

Or just plain old Bruce Lee Junior High.

"Stuck in the Middle with You" did out all right for Rafferty and Egar. And Michael Madsen would like to hear it again.  Frankie Muniz, too.

What sort of day was it?

A day like all days, filled with those events that alter and illuminate our times,

And you were there.

A dream is a wish your heart makes.

Is that before or after taxes?

With that much money, you might need something to shoo away anyone trying to put the bite on you.

What would Freud say?

There is nothing to be ashamed of. You cannot control your unconscious mind.

The Meek Mob.

They're so mild, they're wild. The oxymorons are rioting. Ferdinand the Bull was gardening and needed his pitchfork.

Oh, the Humanity!

Of Mankind's greatest fears, this is the most terrible.

The Taleban have taken over the fashion industry.

Yabba Dabba Doo.

He'll have a gay old time.

Charles lives by the Boy Scout motto: Always sleep with your cap on.

I hear things are just as bad up in Lake Erie.

Perhaps all that he needs is to be wrapped in a Thneed...

Profundity.

Whittling down to the profound.

Ground truth.

The Original Mystery Meat.

It was pressed, whatever it was.
The tire treads make exact identification difficult.

Providence.

Dabney relies on Providence to provide.


Providence is the alley cat that lives nearby.

Off with her head!

Oh, wait, that's the Queen of Hearts. Although...

To paraphrase Kate Capshaw in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, "No thanks, I had bugs fro breakfast."