Clyde's Commencement Address.

Fellow unemployed,

You have just wasted four, or if you are particularly thoughtful, five, years and tens of thousands of dollars. Congratulations! You are now prepared to take your place at the end of the line of those looking for a way to pass the time before they die. After all, that's what life is all about -- finding something to do while you are waiting for the Grim Reaper to scythe you off the planet.

You no doubt have been told that you should set goals, work hard, achieve, breed, and make the world a better place. I suppose that there are future billionaires, inventors, surgeons, scholars and heroes listening to me today. It doesn't matter. You all have one foot in the grave. In a few years, relatively speaking, we will all be dead. And after you are dead what difference will it make to you personally what you have done in life? It won't make any difference. You'll still be dead! Soon Bill Gates will be as dead as Bill Sikes, who, for those of you who bought the Cliff's Notes, you will recall was never actually alive.

The most that any person can hope for in life is to do as little harm to others as possible while suffering as little pain as possible oneself. Everyone suffers. That is the most important thing to know about life. And then it ends. The trick is do as little as possible to increase suffering for oneself and others. That means do as little as possible. Every person who strives increases his own suffering and the suffering of others. Prolonging life by striving is only to increase suffering. Another word for striving is strife.

That's right, striving is conflict. And conflict never brings anything but suffering. I say, "Don't strive!" You and every other person will be happier for your lack of effort.