A brand new day.

 In that case, he can fake it.

He can't help but be fresh.

Puttin' on the Ritz.

 Meaning no disrespect to Bobby Burns...

But the times they are a-changing.

Bear trap.

Escape-proof by design and material.

Rusted shut by all indications.

In the words of Stan Lee.

 As years go, it seemed never-ending, until it didn't.

Poor kid, you don't know the half of it.

(Strictly speaking, it's  'Nuff said.)

Taking care of business.

 He has discovered that Cheaper and Easier

Make good business.

The big lug.

 Good used tires are hard to come by.

It's a poor workman who blames his tools.

Feeling Punchy.

 That was Ross Martin's line...

 In the Hawaiian Punch commercials.

Keep the receipts.

 'Tis the season to give a little,

And to return a lot.

Merry Christmas from Barney & Clyde.

The Dickens, you say,

Any miser will do just as well as any other...

For the purpose of the moral of the story.

Caribou you.

 The feeling is practically unanimous.

Better than one draped over the hood.

Charlotte's Seventy-Second Generation.

 There might have been something odd about those mushrooms.

All thumbs.

 He's not just whistling "Dixie/"

He is burning up calories.

There's an app for THAT?

 The phone companies already have TMI.

And he's a regular customer.

Inquiring minds.

 Just making conversation, he asked hopefully.

But judging by the reaction, no.

Fact of the matter.

 If you start teaching facts,

You never know where it might lead.

Eat, drink and be wary.

 Eating disorder in pill form.

More than fifty shades of gray in their world.

Learning curve.

 Experience is the best teacher.

It is almost as if it can read her mind.

Tech Savvy.

 Keeping regular keeps the Jolly Old Elf jolly.

Moving right along.

Unicode.

 He could be hexadecimal.

Or maybe he is a quantum computer.

Neutral territory.

Usually that is what is called neutered.

Leading to the fireplug controversy.

Auction reversal.

 He is practically giving it away.

The Dutch auction.

Loaded question.

 There might be a subtle hint in her answer.

He will be totally impartial.

Sixrty Years Later.

 Maybe, but that requires Lennon and McCartney, too.

And possibly the last episode of The Prisoner.

Very slow speed chase.

 From one extreme to another he is even-tempered.

3,000 mile oil change.

Creepy Claus is coming to town.

 Copyright infringing Santa better watch out.

Or Zoom, right to the Moon.

The Landlord's Game.

Cheating is how the game is supposed to be played.

 Do Not Pass Go. Buy it.

Points of law.

 Possession might be nine-tenths of the law...

But swiping is how the remaining one-tenth gets you.

The thought that counts.

 In the words of Thomas Magnum...

"I know what you're thinking."

Health fuud.

 So, they must be a lot healthier, eh?

Just like at the RFK ball park.

Cold Cash and Hot money.

 He bought hot dogs with a hot sheet bill.

Loves to eat and run.

Retro chic.

 When everything old is new again.

Keep looking, it must be here somewhere.

In living color.

 But then they went an spoiled the joke...

By printing the daily comics in color.

In the words of the old song.

 Cue Frank Sinatra, "What America  Means to Me."

She learned her lessons well.

Black Friday Shocking.

 Well, it won't be a surprise now.

The perils of auto fill.

Happy Thanksgiving.

 They do call it Turkey Day for a reason.

He does have his traditional standards.

It's contagious.

It might have been true four billion years ago.

But not today so much.

A bowl of cherries.

 As everyone knows, Life is a game..

A breakfast cereal and a magazine.

Special diet.

As excuses go, that's hard to swallow.

That took guts.

Silly rabbits.

 Adolf came up with his stage name...

McNeedsahug all on his own.

Logorrhea.

 In one end and not out the other.

He simply couldn't hold it in any longer.

Conspiracies R Us.

 And the Bilderbergs are all Freemasons.

A subset of the Roman Piso conspiracy.

That's a firm Noh.

 Just the same old song and dance.

Ono?  Oh, Noh !

It bears repeating.

Well, at least he is consistent.

Little being the operative word.

You might feel a little pinch.

Like the dinosaurs, we never knew what hit us.

Maybe like the Cavemen we can still sell insurance.

The Robber Barons' Thesaurus.

 The well-known No Losers Mutual Insurance Company.

Premiums are high, but benefits are higher.

Work in progress.

 It is such a stimulating work environment.

And such inspiring co-workers.

Attention shoppers.

 Subtle hints are out this year,

So cut to the chase.

Milking it.

 And even more people are afraid of medical bankruptcy.

Patients deposit their money, but only he takes  it out.

Doggone it.

 Is the paper to smack him on the nose...

Or to use for paper training?

There's a lot of that going around.

 Sometimes she only cracks wise.

Irony is not what it used to be.