To the Moon.

 And whatever you do, do not ask about his Bay.

Sanitized for your protection.

A real twit.

 And his job likes him back with a smiling emoji.

Implausible deniability.

Mirror image.

 His biography will be a work of fiction.

Like twins separated at birth -- by an ocean.

The human condition.

 A concise summary of the human race.

And  yet, which species is dominant?

People who need people.

 He is nothing if he is not impartial.

Henry has his moment.

Holy mackerel.

There is something fishy about that.

No thanks, I had wet socks for lunch.

Pets who resemble their people.

 It could be worse. He might be a purse dog.

Do they both have their teeth?

Turkey shoot.

 Who is holding the carving knife in that kitchen?

Gobble, gobble. Eat on the run.

Pointillism.

 Laboring to make a point is hard labor.

Losing on points.

How's My Driving?

 Serves you right for ordering the custom plates.

Maniac? You caught him on a good day.

Penny for your thoughts.

 Someone salted that mine.

As scams go, it's penny ante.

Get a life.

 By that logic, it leads to marriage, as well as divorce.

Probably many regrets.

All blocked up.

Logorrhoea may be a symptom of severe creativity.

Consult your PhD.

You might very well say that.

 Nobody ever heard the unspoken truth.

Suddenly so clear, imagine that.

Pride goeth.

 Walked out of the restroom trailing tissue again?

Made you look.

Forty winks.

 A brief nap is good for you.

A public nap is a crime.

No deposit, no return.

 The customer is always right...

But only if he is a customer.

Tell me more.

 And do not leave out any juicy details.

Not gloating in the least.

The burning question.

 Good ahead, add to global warming.

He is flush with flooring, the floor flusher.

Choices, choices.

 Someone needs to make more friends.

Mr. Irresistible.

The eyes have it.

 This could escalate to hand gestures.

Evil eye is worse than pink eye.

Fill 'er up.

 Stealing cars teaches you stuff.

In the words of Yogi Berra, "You can learn a lot just by looking."

March of Time.

 The Washington Post March isn't lively enough?

Disco works for CPR.

Folk wisdom.

Succinct but pithy, worthy of Poor Richard.

A special place in his heart.

Read all about it.

 The News: British tabloid edition.

Not as heard on the BBC.

Man's best friend.

 Old saying: If you want a friend, get a dog.

Preferably one with poor judgment.

Match made in Silicon Valley.

 Next step a VR date.

They have an open source relationship.

Cure for what ails you.

 Catch some serious disease.

That will fix you.

Health conscious.

 All the anti-science extinction seekers disagree.

Nothing more valuable than capitalization.

An army of one.

 An army marches on its stomach.

Number, please.