Genesis of a grate idea.

Which rubs the boss the wrong way. Leading to a quick exodus.

Duane shouldn't be too eager to anticipate.

Sgt. Schulz Strikes Again.

What do you call the disembodied ghost of a proboscis?

The no-body nose.

You were expecting Don the Beachcomber, perhaps?

It was a rum go, all right.

Go, Teamsters!

Houyhnhnms in love.

Are there spurs involved?

Neigh.

A little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

You might very well think that, but I couldn't possibly comment.

Let's not jump to conclusions.

Cold War Thaw (Not a Polish Joke).

Today's gag is based on a Cold War Era joke.

The Prague Circus is playing in Vienna. One of the performers, a little person acrobat, or midget as he would have been called then, has planned an escape to the West. He leaves the guarded hotel at night, climbing down the drain pipe to the street, and hurries away to a house where he has been told that he can hide. He knocks on the door. The door opens a crack, and the little man whispers, "Pardon me, but can you cache a small Czexh?"

England swings like a pendulum do.

As seen on Letterman, it already powers rocket cars.

Mostly, though, it just improves the profit margin for Mentos.

I Came, I TWOT, I Taunted.

Everybody knows that home-schoolers are gooder.

Bomb-throwers Anonymous.

Marraffino cherry.

Who was Leonard Lawrence Marraffino, Alex?

Making life better and better for people every day.

Nothing beats a sundial.

That would be "report to work" in military terminology.

There's Coordinated Universal Time for all the sticklers, and GMT for the fogies.

Just in time.

Time for a nooner.

According to the NIST, 12:00 p.m. is the instant immediately after the clock changes from 11:59:59 to 12:00:00.

"It is fair to say, however, that the shortest measurable duration after noon should be designated as p.m. For example, it would be applicable for a digital clock changing from 11:59:59 a.m. to 12:00:00 to indicate p.m. as soon as it the 12:00 appears, and not delay the display of the p.m. by a minute, or even a second."

Two by two.

Two heads may be better than one,

but not when they share one brain.

Meathead.

The Mike Stivic phone.

The skull bone's connected to the neck bone.
Now hear the word of the Lord.

Sitcoms and Origin of the Species.

Evolution explains the basic premise of every situation comedy since The Honeymooners.

The wife is always much better-looking than the husband.

Ring of truth.

Obviously, it was named that because that's where the pinkie ring is worn.

On the left hand, of course.

Leading question.

Does this cake make me look fat? Thighs or hips?

You have the right to an attorney.
Birthday cake has no calories when you make a wish on it.

Slough of pronouncing.

Try guessing the correct pronunciation of slough without context.

Gut reaction.

That's not average, that's just plain mean.

O', thank heaven. Just your average Joe.

Wet and wild.

If your dreams last for more than four hours, call a doctor.

Have you ever seen a dream walking?

Opportunity knocks.

Strangely, it's never a good time to talk about gun control.

Guns have rights, too, because guns are people. Which explains the saying, "Guns don't kill people. People kill people."

Or Ben Casey and Dr. Kildare.

The original gag involved two people in hospital scrubs with stethoscopes and medical bags.

Things in mirror are closer than a pier.

There's something you don't see every day. A walking, talking, pair o' docs.

Friend me.

Who has more friends than the Society of Friends?

That seems more like one of Earnest's worries.

Google University.

Cynthia already has her BS.

And pretty much everybody at the best party schools.

The June Wilkinson Particle.

Before there was silicone, there was just Zoftig.

Now you've discovered Victoria's Secret.
The Higgs Bosom generates the Jayne Mans-field.

Nearer my God to thee.

Originally, it was a religious nut dressed in a sailor's uniform and blowing a whistle.

Ahoy, matey, it's talk like a particle physicist day.

Olympia.

There's no business like Snowe business.

The first Olympic event was won by Atalanta. "She can throw my javelin any time, " said Heracles.

Ulnarior motive.

Actually, that would be funny to a geek.

Medical humor keeps her in stitches.

Planet of the lepus.

Hinted at before, but now confirmed.

Adolf is no ordinary rabbit.
They are all a rabbit's dream.

Wednesday is Prince spaghetti day.

Taffy also pulls the chair from under him in the cafeteria.

Set him up with a straight line, and then knock him down.

Bicycle built for two.

I was going to say something witty about riding side-saddle, but I forget what it was.

Why is Eb talking out of the side of his face?

Oh, I remember. That's why it's called a bi-cycle!

All sweetness and light.

Didn't we just have Sarcasm Day?

Everyone knows that the internet exists solely to spread peace and goodwill.
That's right, play the Dumb Blonde. Then, back to stalking Cynthia on Twitter.