Sunday, September 30, 2012

Oui Oui.

This little piggy went wee, wee, wee...

Hold it.

Saturday, September 29, 2012

Dabney Skinnered.

Someday Clyde will explain cargo cults.

You cannot be too careful. The Universe is out to get you.

Friday, September 28, 2012

Ebenezer the Younger.

According to Dickens, he was a very lively lad.

"Stone of help" seems to be quite friendly.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

All in the family.

In the words of Jimmy Durante, "Everybody wants to get into the act."

Or in the words of the title of the sequel to A Christmas Story, "It runs in the family."

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Smarty pants.

Everybody hates the smart kid.

It's not easy being brite.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Closer to truth.

That's so crazy, it just might work.

Cartoon characters have some unusual abilities, after all.

Monday, September 24, 2012


 Unfortunately for Cynthia, that only works for glasses, not 3 and 5-gallon containers.

As seen on Antiques Roadshow, face jugs can be valuable.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

A post about jugs.

Which is not about what you might think.

The bat cost a dollar five cents, which is all in pennies, kept in a jug.

There are two solutions.

Fill the five-gallon. Pour three gallons into the other jug, Empty the three-gallon, and pour the remaining two gallons into the three. Fill the five-gallon again. Fill the three-gallon jug from the five. There are four gallons remaining in the five.

Working the other direction, fill the three-gallon jug. Empty it into the five-gallon jug. Fill the three-gallon again. Fill the five-gallon from the three. Empty the five-gallon container. Pour the one gallon from the three-gallon container into the five. Fill the three-gallon container, and then empty it into the five, making four gallons.

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Barney's Lagoon.

Wherein Hawthorne makes a cameo appearance.

It was either him or Lucy Van Pelt.

Friday, September 21, 2012

Great Atlantic and Pacific Tea Company.

Because they used to give S&H Green Stamps.

And the A&P sold more than tea. It sold Eight O' Clock Coffee.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Grand Theft Humor.

Only steal from the very best.

Don't try to sell a stolen Rembrandt to the police.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

AKA WaPo Writers Group.

It's exactly like being syndicated by the Writers Group, in other words.

Not so good for fruit and vegetables vendors, either.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012


It opens up a whole new field for stand-up: Vegan and Vegetarian Comics.

Everybody has different incentives. It's like an open invitation for Gallagher.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Something fishy.

More like a "j" than anything else.

Fish Man? It could have been the Creature from the Black Lagoon.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Killer comedy.

Did you hear the one about the world's most deadly joke?

Ernest Scribbler and the World's Funniest Joke.
Where is the joke? Ida Know.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Ignore at your own risk.

Out of the mouths of babes...

come strained peas.

Friday, September 14, 2012


When a man is most vulnerable.

That's why it's called toilet water.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Forbidden Planet.

And The Tempest is a complete ripoff of Forbidden Planet.

Some older folks might say that Will ripped off Kiss Me Kate or Atomic Shakespeare.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Leona Helmsley, Jr.

The common touch is something that can't be forced.

"You must be a king."

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Title IX.

Girls are different, after all. They are all Buffy the Vampire Slayer now.

Or Potentials, at least.

Monday, September 10, 2012

The Interpretation of Dreams.

One of the more common dreams. Along with the ones about forgetting your locker combination.

Showing up for the wrong class, for which you haven't studied. In your underwear.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Your permanent record.

Former drill instructor.

Drop and give me twenty.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Just say no.

Did you mean direct or indirect object?

But you said that you wouldn't accept "no."

Friday, September 7, 2012

He Just Keeps LOLing Along.

Just call Duane Ole Man Ribber.

He don't know nothing, but he just keeps loling along.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Little Orphan Annie Decoder Ring.

What hath God wrought?
Taffy earned a merit badge with her shortwave license.

Secret decoder ring message for all you kids out there: Loser.

-.. .-. .. -. -.-   --- ...- .- .-.. - .. -. .

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Veuster and Veuster.

What do you call a bull that fathered calves on Molokai?

Cow a papa.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Betty Noire.

She has some nerve! Who does she thinks she is, anyway?

Patience is a virtue and a curse.

Monday, September 3, 2012

The little black dress.

Looks good with a little cushion, too.

You would think that a billionaire would have a trap door or an escape pod built into his dressing room.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Step on a crack.

You'll get a longer sentence.

Or you are standing on a plumber.

See a pin, pick it up.
All the day you'll have bloody fingers, unless you use the iScope.

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Something wicked this way comes.

By the pricking of my thumbs. It's a pinched nerve.
No! It's Carnevil.

Or some other kind of evil.
Gluttony 2.1.