Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Paging Sigourney Weaver.

That strange sensation in Barney's chest isn't a heart attack.

It's the feeling of being talked about.
It's starts with a burning around the ears, and spreads down into a tightness in the chest.

Monday, January 30, 2012

Geraldine meet Auntie Mildred.

Flip Wilson and Milton Berle outed.

The devil made them do it.
Maybe he's into trannies.

Sunday, January 29, 2012


Comparing notes!

This cannot end well for J. Barnard. The wall between Church and State has been breached.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Where's Danae?

Focus group is also known as critical mass.

If they added Danae, there would be the danger of creating a black hole.

Friday, January 27, 2012

Legionnaire's disease.

A little short of well-regulated.

They appear to be faithful to the original spirit. Or to Young Frankenstein.
We are secure against all reenactors, foreign and domestic.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Tiger, tiger burning bright.

He's also keeping the tigers away.
And never mention the subject of commas.
There's an endless list of success stories. December 7, 1941, for instance.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Some pot in every chicken.

To get to the garage.
Usually, a persuader is a blackjack. Percival seems more like a terminator.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Tightly wound.

Consuela might be just a little too tightly wound.

At least the time of death will be known precisely.

Monday, January 23, 2012

NRA approved.

National Restaurant Association, that is.

Good way to summon a waiter.
Must be Miami.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Sunrise, sunset.

It'll come up tomorrow.

That'll get a rise out of him.
Bring it up tomorrow, and we'll vote on it.
It's a poor workman who blames his tool.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Ribbed for your enjoyment.

The Rib has been given the treatment.

Someone will never live this down.
Everything and everyone is grist for the mill.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Leggo my Eggo.

Woefully plus awfully equals waffle-y, or possibly Romney.

Is that real maple syrup? Maybe they are just syrupy.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Dim bulbs need not apply.

And then there are the CFLs.

Whoever came up with the Functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging scoring system should get a Nobel.
They aren't exactly 21st Century thinkers.
No LEDs.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Mime under glass.

Robert Shields is making a comeback.

In France would be the perfect distance.
Long-forgotten fact: Marcel Marceau has the only line of spoken dialogue in Mel Brooks' movie Silent Movie.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Cogito ergo bloom.

Daisy, Daisy, give me you answer do.

And Popeye said, "I yam what I yam."

Monday, January 16, 2012

A roach is a roach is a roach.

And Kafka wasn't even figuring on Raid.

Take some comfort in the realization that cockroaches have the advantage over humans.

Sunday, January 15, 2012


Being an Epicurean has its advantages.

The devil in the details.
You don't have to worry about that sort of thing.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Humble jumble.

Are you ready to bumble?

And a bunch of billionaires would be a plague.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Salad days.

Don't you need a permit for that?

Obviously, he was already dying out there.
Attack of the Killer Tomatoes?

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Feeling peevish.

It's the ear of Duane's pet peeve.

Mary Sue strikes again.
A boy named Mary Sue. Oh, all right, Gary Stu.
Any date that begins with, "Don't make a scene," isn't going to end well.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Spelling also helps.

Imperatively speaking, go soak your head.

Syllable, not syllabole.
That compound concept works better in German than in English.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

You can say that again, but please don't.

Hot air balloon for short.

His mother was frightened by a thesaurus during the pregnancy.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Pass the hemlock.

Would that be a mercy killing?

That goes without saying. So stop saying.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

The Crying Game.

Some drunks are happy. Some drunks are belligerent. Some drunks cry in their beer.

The word is unsophisticated.
The beer makes the water potable.
And watch what you say about my idiot relatives.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Dewey Defeats Forrestal.

The line forms here since 1948.

Megalomania starts with the Hummer.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Three coins in the sewer.

It's exactly like the Trevi fountain.

Running water? Check.
Place to through away money that goes to the poor? Check.
Zero chances of your wishes being fulfilled? Check.

Exactly the same.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

The Ed Norton Award.

The Ed Norton Award for 2012 goes to Dabney.

Watch out for the sewer 'gators and CHUDs.
One way or another, most of our money is just flushed down the toilet anyway.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Grayish anatomy.

Hairy neck. So she's the bearded lady?

Just like adults to read more into it than there is.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

What about CSM on the pack?

Morleys have William B. Davis as their cowboy.

And you see where that leads. Straight into the X-Files.
LSMMFT. Lucky Strike Means  More Fine Tumors.

Monday, January 2, 2012

Doing Double Doody.

It's Howdy Doody time.

No relation to Alison Doody. From a fine, old Irish family.

Sunday, January 1, 2012


When the moon hits your eye, like a big pizza pie. That'sa J-Lo.

J-Lo's butt can be seen with the naked eye, but Io cannot.