Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Ralph Edwards would be pleased.

Truth or Consequences.

Beulah the Buzzer must have sounded.
He didn't let him finish the answer, "In theory. In theory!"

Monday, November 28, 2011

Oxford theory.

And Bacon was eaten by Marlowe.

In fact, Shakespeare wore Oxfords.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

We're number one.

You'll take my burger when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.

Pound for pound the greatest nation on Earth.
It's a thing we like to call mass marketing.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Orion the Crapper.

When Don Mclean says, "Lend me an ear."

That way lies madness, or post mortem fame.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Look for the union label.

There ought to be a seven-second delay.

She can't even go to the Student Union Building.
Watch out for his wardrobe malfunction at halftime.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

What it was, was football.

Which gave us the Melon bowl.

And rugby was played on a rug.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Stuffed.

And everyone is stuffed, not only the bird.

The circle of life.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Radical roots.

It's all Greek to me.

A little learning is a dangerous thing. Especially in the wrong hands.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Miner in English.

Dig it. 7 habits of rarely affected people,

Little ore, no effect.

or nuns in a cloistered order.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

What was the question again?

Did you say, "I don't get laid?" Or "I can't get laid?"

Screwy grammar.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Be it ever so humble.

Ruby slippers not required.

Sweet dreams are made of these.
Who am I to disagree?
I've traveled the world and the seven seas.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Maybe it was gremlins.

Or possibly menehunes.

It's like the socks that get lost in the washing machine.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Timex.

Takes a licking and keeps on ticking.

JohnCameronSwayze Barnard Pillsbury.
What, you thought he had a Rolex?
Of course I can describe it. Mickey's big hand was on the twelve, and his little hand was on the two.
There is more than one way to hold the one percent accountable.
 What time is it?

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

The grand bargain.

"Go big."

Money cannot buy me love.
The Great Compromiser. Or maybe just the Great Miser.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

United we stand.

We shall not be moved. Except by Pillsbury Laxatives.

Captain One Percent.
Up, up, and away...

Monday, November 14, 2011

Cue the William Tell overture..

All right, now you have the American Indians mad at you, too.

Tonto and the Billionaire.
"Ridden out of town naked."

I'm not completely clear on who will be naked or who will be riding whom.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

If you assume the mortgage.

Seems only equitable.

You occupy Dabney's home, and he gets to occupy yours.

De-feet funny Gus Toad.

Hey, it works for Clem Phelgm.

A Jim Henson creation.
Lovable like Kermit The Frog.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Rake's Progress.

If only they had used the Cyclone Rake! Hoovering is better. Except in a depression.

It could happen to anybody, including the rugged individualist. A banana peel is so obvious.
Curse you, Bart Simpson!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

When you're Right, you're right.

We're right.  By definition. You cannot argue with that.

Healthy contempt.

Archimedes Throckmorton.

It's hard to leverage the future when your present fulcrum is flat.

As well as your feet.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Irony enriched.

With the recommended daily allowance of irony.

Grueling as it may be.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Enlightened self-loathing.

He is suffering a temporary pecuniary embarrassment.

Not to mention that his name is really spelled Throckmorton.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Butt me no butts.

Are we talking Kardashian big, or J-Lo big?

Getting a little behind at work is encouraged, then?
Kim's butt explodes, as told by that paragon journalism, the Weekly World News.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Risky business.

Edgy like a butter knife. As long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses.

Risqué business.
Appearing in a number of newspapers somewhere between zero and all of them.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Smooth.

What a sweet-talker. And like a fungus, he grows on you.

H2KO3P.
In fact, it's a fertilizer.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Money can't buy me love.

Can you say "community property?"

No, but I can say prenup.
You cannot overestimate the effect of a great "personality."

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Wild and crazy guys.

Oooo, kinky. There's no denying the chemistry.

Batteries not included.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Who's on first.

Okay, lets not worry about getting to first base.

Just remember, a walk is as good as a hit.
Anyway, keep your eye on the ball.
Who would be willing to take one for the team?