Friday, September 30, 2011

Mourning becomes Taffy.

Taffy has just used up one emergency sister.

There are only a limited number. They should be reserved for more important occasions, like skipping work to go shopping so that she has "something to wear to the funeral."

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Give the man a lollipop.

He's just trying to be gnomic.

Somewhere a garden is empty.

Not as attracive as the Playboy Philosophy.

Ergo, not to be confused with Hefner's Bonerism,

Closer to Cleanserism, which is based on Bon Ami.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

From the Greek.

The Greek, Jimmy, that is.

asphereterism -- from the Greek, a, without + spheteros, a clue. The belief that human nature can be ignored.

Monday, September 26, 2011

A dubious conclusion to be sure.

I suspect that his name is really Heisenberg. Or maybe I'm wrong...

He might be a cat named Schrödinger.

Possibly Adam Sandler.

Bad poetry is Adam Sandler's bag.

Without rhyme or reason.
Suspiciously like the Hanukkah Song.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

I think I detect a flaw in the plan.

It could be worse.

One competitor could be Garfield.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

All hail Saparmurat Niyazov Turkmenbashi!

Great is the honor of possessing this most admirable and timekeeping wristwatch machine, which commemorates the Leader of the Turkmen, President of Turkmenistan and Chairman of the Cabinet of Ministers, Suparmurat Niyazov, first president of Turkmenistan, 1990-2006.
Not Chairman Mao, but more rare, and just as tacky.
Awarded as one third of the Grand Prize in the Fiddler in the Subway copy editing challenge, which was held sometime in the last century, or so. (You can find it for sale somewhere of other, probably. It's a book, by the way.  By Gene Weingarten.)

Friday, September 23, 2011

Fair and Balanced.

Paul Newman did the same thing and more in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

And he had Katerine Ross with him on the bike.

Tempered mainspring.

And spring-wound pacemakers were better, too!

Old Crank.
If it doesn't have a crank, it's just a newfangled gewgaw.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Them bones.

And the arm bone's connected to the shoulder bone.

Technical support.Please hold.
Maybe the pipes are clogged? Or there's a pileup on the superhighway?
She should send an e-mail to Google's tech support.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Who's on first.

The comedy team of Pillsbury and Pillsbury.

Exactly like Stiller and Meara, or Nichols and May. Well, maybe not exactly.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

So ket it be written. So let it be done.

You cannot change Fate.

Go tell that to Clotho, Lachesis and Atropos.
Evidently, not needless to say, Barney's logic is flawed. Having one's destiny written in the Book of Fate does not preclude that one has written one's own destiny there oneself.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Who's there?

Dogs are easily surprised.
I heard that, whoever you are.

Especially by themselves.

Sunday, September 18, 2011


They run at about 95 decibels.

EPA rated hazardous.

With Lucretia it must be the inheritance of acquired characteristics or a retro virus.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Mother Nature's little helpers.

Hormonally speaking.

Diddlly do.
Almost a Ned Flanders moment.

Friday, September 16, 2011

And ample new interests.

That towel is rather suggestive.

Not to mention ambiguous.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Rugged individualists.

Direct her to the table for uniquely anti-social nonconformists.
Is there an Egotists Club?

Puttin' on the Ritz.


In he book, he was a world traveler.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Monday, September 12, 2011

Prospective perspective perspicacious?

What might Lucretia's worst nightmare look like?

Stuck in the middle with you.

Or just plain old Bruce Lee Junior High.

"Stuck in the Middle with You" did out all right for Rafferty and Egar. And Michael Madsen would like to hear it again.  Frankie Muniz, too.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

What sort of day was it?

A day like all days, filled with those events that alter and illuminate our times,

And you were there.

Friday, September 9, 2011

A dream is a wish your heart makes.

Is that before or after taxes?

With that much money, you might need something to shoo away anyone trying to put the bite on you.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

What would Freud say?

There is nothing to be ashamed of. You cannot control your unconscious mind.

The Meek Mob.

They're so mild, they're wild. The oxymorons are rioting. Ferdinand the Bull was gardening and needed his pitchfork.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Oh, the Humanity!

Of Mankind's greatest fears, this is the most terrible.
The Taleban have taken over the fashion industry.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Yabba Dabba Doo.

He'll have a gay old time.

Charles lives by the Boy Scout motto: Always sleep with your cap on.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Sunday, September 4, 2011


Whittling down to the profound.

Ground truth.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

The Original Mystery Meat.

It was pressed, whatever it was.
The tire treads make exact identification difficult.

Friday, September 2, 2011


Dabney relies on Providence to provide.

Providence is the alley cat that lives nearby.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Off with her head!

Oh, wait, that's the Queen of Hearts. Although...

To paraphrase Kate Capshaw in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, "No thanks, I had bugs fro breakfast."