Saturday, April 30, 2011

Say what?

I'm sure that there's a perfectly innocent explanation for their behavior.

Friday, April 29, 2011

Ask a silly question.

It's like Barney's teen years all over again.

He's experiencing a second childhood -- his father's.

Thursday, April 28, 2011


A small mandatory handling fee will be added to the bill.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

When Barney Met Billy.

You cannot do that scene without Meg Ryan at the next table.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Hey, Rocky!

Watch me pull a joke out of my butt.

Adolf better be careful in that neighborhood.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Little-known fact.

The 4/21 strip was actually scheduled for 4/25. The 4/25 strip was an emergency relief brought in at the last minute to save a sequence.

Old dogs are the best dogs.

Just not the best dressers.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

The truth is out there.

The light is on, but nobody is home.

And I'm talking about Clyde. UFOs are real. The explanations are imaginary.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Gag a maggot.

But has she seen Lou Dobbs?

Then she will be old enough.

Friday, April 22, 2011

You can't say that in the newspaper.

Shocking. George Carlin is dead to him. Oh, wait.

The headliner in my car is always sagging.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

It's never too early for lunch.

Or too late for a little child abuse.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Unresolved sugar daddy issues.

Moving from kept to trophy status can do that.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Monday, April 18, 2011

Don't call me "sir."

Marcie grew up to a comic psychiatrist. Who knew?

Whatever happened to Patty?

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Home and Away.

The WaPo site must be trying to tell us something.

Instead of the P&B maze, it is running Home and Away in the B&C slot.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

It's Pinky and The Brain.

Pinky and The Brain. One is a genius, the other is insane.

Are you pondering what I'm pondering?

Chewing the fat.

Over the old backyard fence or the old cracker barrel.
Talking down.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Call the exterminator.

Roach sighting.

I don't know if Dabney is guilty of stereotyping or racial profiling, but he's guilty of something, mon.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Toll free lawsuit.

I sense a class action as people get clothespins stuck to their tongues. I mean Lazyman chopsticks.

I always preferred the elegant peg clothespin.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Supersize me.

Laughter is the best medicine, according to the Reader's Digest.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Hubba hubba.

Adam's original name for woman was "While you're up, get me a beer."

And just for the record, the orange color is named for the fruit. Like olive color is named for that fruit.

Monday, April 11, 2011

In for a penny, in for a pound.

Let's not get the cart before the horse.

The screen on Cynthia's watch was scratched before.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Cattle Call.

I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

No, it's her'un.

As the farmer said to the vet.

Don't be cross.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Howard Handupme.

We don't want to know the mnemonic for his gastroenterologist.

Presumably, Barney's proctologist is not female.

Whizzer of Id.

Urine for a surprise.

Both of you.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

John Law.

Lucky thing for Dabney, it's Wednesday.

In Florida, an elephant tied to a parking meter must pay the same fee as for a motor vehicle. Which is because he has a trunk.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Answering the musical question...

What do you get when you cross Barney Fife and Jacques Clouseau?

"I am a philosopher and he is a businessman. He doesn't tell me what to think, and I don't tell him what to do with his money."

Sunday, April 3, 2011

All business.

"Does your minkey have a license?"
He's a business associate. Best not to mention that either, because then he would need a business license.

That's Anne.

The little house behind the little house on the prairie.

It's the padded toilet seats that Elspeth really envies.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

The sweet smell pf success.

The woman is a saint.

You seldom see such self-sacrifice now.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Spnsored by S. C. Johnson, a family company.

And the RCA Victor Company. His master's voice.

Little Nipper.